I’ve been off the grid for a minute. Not at all writing blocked, just really sad. Thinking about my ex this time of year sucks. It was just his 37th birthday. Who cares, right? But I always tried for him. Appreciated or not. I never thought we wouldn’t be together forever. Not in a million years.
The good thing about my thinking about the ex lately, is how much I respect myself now compared to when he was here. For instance, this picture:
So, aside from the lower left hand corner of the image, which is just my bare leg, I felt confident and carefree. I felt awesome.
Could it be?
My bad habit stopped almost as soon as he did. I have lost more than twenty-five pounds. I’m feeling healthy about my body. I feel clear. Or maybe clean?
I must also note that I have started a personal journal just about sex, and about my relationships, and it’s helping me process a lot of difficult shit.
So yay for words(!!!!!) and letting go of what I can only describe as “a forced me.”
Although I know he’d never read this blog, in fact, because I’m counting on that, all I have to say is: I miss you G-bear. It never mattered who was wise. We were both assholes.
I just don’t want to be an asshole anymore.
(For the most part — I mean a woman’s GOT to get HERS.)
But I don’t want to be anything resembling an asshole — EVER — in a relationship again. Even though it’s looking like it will never be ours.