Oh, change the “n” in “loner” to an “s.” That’s better.
I made a promise to myself that I would be candid and honest in this space. If I cannot be honest in my writing, where can I be? Besides — I truly do believe that pretending everything is one way — when it’s actually another — causes a lot of problems.
That doesn’t mean everything sucks, or is scandalous. It’s just — true.
Full disclosure, I AM a loner. Big time. My entire life I’ve simultaneously wanted to be left completely alone, while ALSO wanting to be SURROUNDED by friends and family and people who love me so I can talk and talk and talk forever.
I have almost no luck with the second part.
I do this thing.
I’ve nick-named it “The All or Nothing Paradox.”
(I’m too afraid to “Google” that to see if it’s actually already “a thing.”)
What it means to me, though, is pretty much self-explanatory. I want everyone, and I want no one. There is NO “in between.”
In fact, I’ve been known to go through these kind of “purging” experiences with friend circles.
Part of it stems from never feeling like I fit in.
And part of it stems from my being paranoid constantly, not to mention insecure.
But — basically, after something happens within a group I’ve been friends with that I don’t like, (usually something I do), or I something happens in that group that I can’t change, or something happens that I’m embarrassed by, I tend to bizz-ounce.
And. I cannot be alone.
And I have praised living alone. But I’ve decided, not only did I absolutely NEED that at the time I experienced it, but I also really need to NOT be doing that anymore. I CAN’T do it.
I moved so I could live with my baby boys. My kittwins. I can live with these loves of my life now. And my baby boy is sick. But he’s letting me pamper him now, Which I like, but I also hate, because Peyton isn’t a cat I’ve been able to “catch”….until now.
Look at this love:
He’s my little Playboy.
I love my Eli too! I’m grateful he’s so healthy:
Don’t talk to me about lighting. They are sleeping cats. Grow up. 😇
Also, this^ is, is my jam.
Do with that pun what you think I’d want you to do.
A Church member commented, “Wow,” on my post regarding the Church stuff I said. This member is SO INTO the family of the dude I called out. I’m sticking to it.
“Wow,” is right.
I said something that someone told me, perhaps expecting it work never be repeated.
But he didn’t say that.
“Aw, Sum Sum. Nooooooo.” As Rick said in Season 3 Episode 2.
So now — people are on notice: don’t say things of that nature to me.
Don’t gossip about things like, “isn’t it CRAZY that this person is dead and probably killed himself and I have to be the first to tell everyone because I get off on it?!” DON’T DO THAT. Then we’d be cool.
I am not scared of your minion writing, “Wow.”
I do, though, miss Gary. Because I’m watching “Rick and Morty,” and Peyton’s dying. And at 4:30 today when I had MINUTES to get to the Post Office — my car’s battery died. So I had to wait for AAA. (Thank God I made it!!!!!!!!!) But $164.13 later, I have a new battery and MORE bad than I can handle:
It made me sad that the AAA guy was IMPRESSED that I knew how to “pop the hood.” SO sad.
But alas, everything worked out. Except of course for the people who hate me hating me, and Peyton dying, and my very desperately needing a job.
But! My best friend is engaged and getting married!!!!!! 🥰😘🤩❤️💕💖🎉🐾 And my other best friend is about to have a baby!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! 🐣🤱🍼🥰👩❤️💋👩💝💞😍💗 And my other best friend is moving back from Michigan to New Jersey in JJJJUUUUULLLLLLYYYY!!!!!!!!!! 🌞🎉😁🤠🙋❤️🥰👩❤️💋👩💒💞😍
So. Monitoring Peyton and my cup of noodles await. And. So. Much. Sugar.