Into Thin Horror

How do you love someone who’s been torturing you emotionally/psychologically too many times to count? I think THOSE two things are the reasons I CAN be distracted.

Distraction kills my anxiety. In fact, it’s the ONLY thing that kills my anxiety.

I’ve lost my eidetic memory.
It’s 99.9% official.
Thanks, disease! Cheers to the Fibromyalgia: which CAN’T be treated, or cured correctly for — etc. etc. etc.— because I, and hundreds of thousands of people wake up EVERY day with SOME kind of bullshit.

I DEFINITELY lost a person I love (and was PROBABLY in love WITH) on 9/3.

https://youtu.be/BF-nZziUCCY
That’s a link to a music video for a song for which I find fitting for the above.

I ALSO haven’t been writing my book and/or writing my blog and/or writing ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING AT ALL for some time now…

Except for this.

WHAT the ACTUALLY fuck?!

I’m depressed. And I can’t deal with ANYTHING right now.

I look at my phone when I wake up — and THEN??? I feel even MORE dead inside.

I ALSO sulk at the number of (triple digit) men asking me per day — BECAUSE I ALWAYS THOUGHT MY BREAK-UP WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE — would end in a RETURN.

I’ll never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER — have the ability — nor capacity — to get over, (let’s call him “Gar”, though I’m certain it doesn’t matter).

So, I’m acting out. Spiraling status = ⤵️

I AM, however, working on a project that I think will perfectly compliment my first book so well that perhaps they can be released at the same time.

I don’t care. I just want to be published by NOT myself.

I KNOW I can’t be with Gar. Because apparently, the love of my life, Gar, CAN’T or WON’T be with me.

Sorry for my inexplicably and annoyingly random desire to write this.

Cheers to TCW. I’ll miss       you all               the time.

🎶♥️✌️

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