As I once said to my best friend: “We’re doing things!!!” (Love you, Humpie ❤️.)
And, with my Mom’s support and help I am doing things.
And it’s scary.
Getting better — can be — really fucking scary!
More about THAT, though, ANOTHER time.
I have an actual crush.
By way of background…”Old Tim” was my college boyfriend who I was very in love with and who I was silly enough and young enough and not yet nearly ME enough when we were together to understand we wouldn’t be together forever or get married.
But we all grow up.
Hell yeah, Eli. Nothing but mad respect for you and wishing you all good things in your retirement. I’ll miss watching you play, but you’ve more than earned this, baby.
So yeah. We all grow up. Mostly. Annnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd some of us make sure we always own a pair of yellow chucks whether we’re in college dating “Old Tim” — or 34 years old.
And as I’ve gotten sicker and started losing so many people, I kind of (?????) gave up.
Until this year.
When I started doing things.
My teeth are getting better by the day.
Though…not without some truly painful tribulations. And oh, so much blood.
But I have a crush! On someone who might be available!
Who brings a smile to my face the second he sees me because he has formed a smile himself. Who tells me I’m beautiful so often that I’m starting to believe him. Who goes out of his way to be around me. And who literally wiped the tears off of my face for an embarrassingly long time as I embarrassingly cried in front of him and two other people at my appointment today, helpless, because I just couldn’t hold all of my emotions inside after a really trying day — PRIOR to my skull being drilled into — because of people just being really fucking shitty about my circumstances.
(I’m SO writing about said circumstances soon because I want anyone who might happen upon this and who might not get it — to get woke. What I go through is fucking Hell and I’m tired of people pretending it’s anything less than that.)
So, my crush.
He’s humble. Kind. Intelligent. Cute AF. He has an addictive and cumulative smile.
He’s funny and he’s really great to talk to. I could be imagining it, but I think he enjoys spending as much time with me as I do with him — and talking to me as much as I do with him.
When you’re around someone you can talk to, like REALLY talk to, and laugh with ––– and you have a physical attraction to — AND you want so badly to just reach out and hold that person’s hand so you day dream about doing just that someday soon — what’s better than that?
Maybe finally getting to be blonde.
Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me kids that I don’t fumble this connection on the 3rd down and long.
2020 is my year, baby! Now where’s my whiskey? 😉😋
As always, be good to each other.